Looking for Common Ground

Most of my social media exposure is through Facebook. I know, I know, I’m behind the times. So be it. Through Facebook I see postings from other social media sites. And I read the letters to the editor, a kind of old school social media. Regardless of the source, I’m not very happy with what I see.

We seem to have created an atmosphere in which discord and denigration are valued more than civility and communication. I suppose this is nothing new, except perhaps in the depth to which it has penetrated our “interactions.” And it goes beyond politics and comedy, which have always been fertile ground for putdowns, shout-downs, and sometimes knockdowns. According to my Facebook feed, if I like/dislike the Dallas Cowboys/Greenpeace/Wall St. Journal/John Steward/Taylor Swift; if I agree/disagree that children should wear/not wear bicycle helmets or play/not play video games; if I can/can’t recognize that picture of an ice cube tray/rotary phone/air raid shelter sign; then I am worse than worthless and am wasting valuable oxygen meant for someone more deserving. Doesn’t it seem a bit ridiculous?

I have been guilty of contributing to this trend at times. I have posted a comment to try to get a laugh, not thinking about how it might hurt someone’s feelings until after clicking POST. I have added my two cents unnecessarily to a stream that already had too much heat and not enough light. I have LIKEd harsh putdowns disguised as seemingly clever comments, hoping that someone will see me as clever, too. Maybe I have scored meaningless “points” by these actions, but at the expense of a useful exchange of ideas.

This isn’t helping.

I am not advocating an end to social media. It could be – and is - such a powerful tool that it would be senseless to let it go to waste. What I would love to see is people reading comments thoughtfully, responding to them with questions rather than attacks, and looking for common ground. I believe that common ground is there, but we have stopped seeking it.

I have tried this approach. It is not easy. Sometimes I become preachy and self-righteous, or Pollyanna-ish and naïve, or just plain irritating. Sometimes I expose my ignorance, which is not much fun. In spite of that, if I am open to understanding what the other person really means, I often learn something. One of the biggest things I learn is that the other person and I are more similar than different. When that happens, we both score points that are really worth something.

Other people are doing this. I’m going to keep trying. I’ve got nothing to lose, and a better world to gain. I'd love to hear what you think.