Review of The BFG

In a recent post I wrote about my recent discovery of Roald Dahl’s Danny, the Champion of the World.  I found this book thoroughly delightful and not nearly as strange as some of Dahl’s books for children.  In that post I mentioned that I had also read another of Dahl’s books, The BFG.  This reading experience was quite different, but still positive.

I really did not like this book in the beginning.  It just didn’t grab me.  In this story Sophie, a British girl in an orphanage, sees a giant looking into windows at night.  He captures her and carries her away to his home (which is far away, off the edge of the map).  This Big Friendly Giant explains to her that he kidnapped her to protect the secret of his location.  He believes that if people learned of his existence they would put him in a zoo.  When Sophie spied him, he was merely trying to bring pleasant dreams to sleeping children.

The BFG really is friendly, and silly!  He speaks a language, gobblefunk, that is part nonsense, part makes-perfect-sense.  It may really appeal to children, but I found it annoying and tiresome.  After Sophie and the BFG arrive at his home, nothing much happens for a while.  While safely hidden, Sophie encounters the nine other giants, which are much bigger, uglier and meaner than the BFG.  They subsist on humans, which the BFG finds morally unacceptable.  Instead, he eats a foul-tasting squash-like vegetable that even he dislikes.  He drinks a powerful and tasty soda whose gas escapes not in burps, but in toots that send the drinker skyward.  I feel certain many children will be amused by the carbonated pyrotechnics. 

The story gains traction when Sophie learns that the other giants intend to go by night to London schools to find their next meal – innocent boys and girls!  Sophie feels the need to do something about it, but the BFG would rather lay low and protect himself.  He knows there is no way to stop the giants that night, but Sophie is adamant that they must do something.

Parents, be warned: The idea of giants eating humans is not a pleasant one.  Nothing in the story is gory or graphic, but in at least one place it is darkly suggestive.  There are probably children who would find parts of this story overwhelming.  Many children, however, will be able to tolerate it without difficulty. 

Over a few days, Sophie and the BFG each learn important lessons. Although the BFG seems oafish and uneducated, he knows things that Sophie does not.  She comes to realize that one’s own group (team, nationality, species) is not always right, and that members of other groups deserve respect.  The BFG learns from Sophie that decency sometimes demands that we attempt things that seem hopeless and possibly extremely dangerous.  In the end they enlist the help of the most powerful person Sophie can think of, the Queen of England.  Whatever you think of the actual monarch, this Queen turns out to be wise, just and humane. 

We could all learn something from these three characters.  I’m glad I saw this book through to the end.  It may give you the opportunity to discuss some pretty grown-up things with your children. 

Danny, the Champion of the World

I’ve been on a minor Roald Dahl kick recently, by which I mean that I have read two books by this celebrated author in the last couple of weeks.  Although the first chapter book I remember receiving was Dahl’s James and the Giant Peach, I am not a lifelong fan.  I have liked some of his books, including Kiss Kiss, a collection primarily of fiendishly fun short stories, definitely for adults.  I was unimpressed by Matilda; I found it two-dimensional, and I much prefer the movie version.  And I have not (yet) read the iconic Charlie and the Chocolate Family.  (I hope this admission does not alienate the army of Dahl enthusiasts.)

While sitting with a cat in my lap, I reached for a book and found Danny, the Champion of the World.  (I had forgotten that the short story upon which this is based appeared in Kiss Kiss.)  I immediately fell in love with Danny, a nine-year-old boy, and his father, William, a widower auto mechanic who is passionate about many things, but mostly about his son.  Such is their love for each other that, if given a choice, Danny would rather work on cars with his father than play with his school mates.  (In the context of the story, this is actually a lovely thing; more on that later.)

Danny discovers that another of his father’s passions is poaching.  William is intrigued by the quest for the big score, as was his own father.  Fresh fish and fowl are delicious, but equally enticing is the opportunity to put one over on the local wealthy landowner and bully, Mr. Hazell.  Those of you who know Dahl will recognize his penchant for backing the underdog.  Danny finds his father’s enthusiasm contagious, and they collaborate on the next quest: to spoil the opening day of pheasant hunting on Hazell’s grounds. 

Dahl does not shy away from the chance to introduce some nail-biting episodes – not enough to scare most children, but sufficient to add dramatic tension.  Danny is both brave and resourceful in meeting challenges.  In the end, however, laughter carries the day!

It is likely that some parents will not be happy with a story that glorifies illegal activity, although the target is so cartoonishly despicable that he virtually cries out for his comeuppance.  Others might frown on Dahl’s anti-authority stance; in Danny he ridicules not only the wealthy landowner but also a sadistic schoolmaster.  William is righteously enraged, demonstrating that he is, after all, human.  Some parents might like to see Danny playing with friends, rather than being isolated at home.  To Dahl’s credit, Danny’s father has the same concern.  I suspect that when Danny gets a little older he’ll spread his wings and find independence. 

This story of a boy and his father is in all other ways so endearing that I hope concerned parents will let their children give it a try.  I think it would be a great book to read with your child.  Many of us would envy the father-son relationship; some may strive for it.  Soon I’ll take up the other of my recent Dahl discoveries, The BFG.  Happy reading!

Is Data-driven Mom Wrong?

Amy Webb recently got more attention for her parenting practice than most of us usually want.  Webb is a columnist on the online magazine Slate.  In her recent article, she shares one of the strategies she employs to raise her child.  The name of the article says it all: “I Measure Every Single Thing My Child Does, And I track it on spreadsheets. Really - every single thing. Even every poop. And it makes me a better parent.”

And she seems to be serious about it.  According to the article, she is a numbers person who analyzes data for a living.  So when she learned that she was pregnant, she started tracking things like food intake, weight gain, and activity level.  After her child was born and started losing weight, she began collecting data on her baby.  One thing led to another, and now she tracks just about everything her child (now a toddler) does.

As you might guess, this kind of practice has not been well received by many people – starting with her child’s pediatrician.  The vast majority of online responses to the article were very negative.  But Webb thinks that by attending to her daughter this closely and tracking how she responds in every situation, she is in a better position to determine what will help her child grow and develop.

Is she wrong?  This parenting strategy is clearly unconventional.  (Pause for those who marvel at the enormity of this understatement.)  Perhaps the Webbs can manage to keep records of their daughter’s every move and still be the kind of parents she needs.  I’ve been around long enough to know that some things that I would have thought were impossible can actually work, even things that run counter to all the research data.  I hope for the Webb family that this is true. 

Recent research on helicopter parenting doesn’t bode well for children of over-involved parents.  A cursory review of recent articles reveals that as these children become adults, they can be less satisfied, less autonomous, less competent and less successful in relationships than their peers.

This approach is not for me.  I’m not good with such details.  I am sure most of us would find Webb’s strategy burdensome, impersonal, and antiseptic.  Where is the joy?  Where are the time-honored traditions?  Where is the magic?  Of course, part of her point is that it’s not magic, it’s cause and effect.  And to a certain extent she is probably right about that.  We almost certainly don’t know enough about such cause-and-effect relationships, but someday we may.  It’s possible that if this happens, Webb may seem more like a pioneer than a helicopter mom on steroids.

There’s so much we don’t know about this situation.  Webb’s article doesn’t tell us what makes her daughter laugh or cry, or what they do for fun on Saturday afternoons, or what drives the parents up a wall.  I’d like to be a fly on their wall; maybe Webb’s interactions with her daughter aren’t that different from what we see with most parents and children.  I heard her on the radio, and she sounds like a mother who loves her daughter; that’s a good starting point.

I hope Webb’s daughter learns that her parents love her and are always in her corner.  I hope her parents play with her, sing her songs at bedtime, and dry her tears when she cries.  I hope she learns that there are rules that must be followed, that at times she must control her behavior, and that she can’t always have everything she wants.  I hope they teach her to share, and to be a humble winner and a gracious loser.  I hope she develops the self-confidence that comes from life’s successes and failures, and from learning that she can have an impact on her world.  I hope she learns that all children deserve the same opportunities.  If these things happen, then I think her parents did their job – spreadsheets or no spreadsheets. 

Gardens - and Gardeners - that Heal

From today’s edition of the Winston-Salem Journal comes a story that should make almost everyone smile.

David Bare, the garden columnist for the Journal, spotlights the horticultural therapy program at the Centers for Exceptional Children in Winston-Salem.  The program is active on two campuses in Winston-Salem that serve children with special needs.  JoAnn Yates and Jennifer Manning, horticultural therapists, direct the programs.  The Winston-Salem/Forsyth County Schools and the United Way provide funding; many other corporate and nonprofit organizations provide additional support.

“With nature as a co-teacher the horticultural therapist uses hands-on activities to stimulate and nurture sensory, motor, cognitive and communication skills,” says Ms. Yates.  These programs incorporate the activities of teachers and physical, occupational and speech therapist.

In the horticultural therapy program, these professionals can breathe new life into time-honored but sometimes not-so-interesting educational techniques.  In the gardens, the children participate in activities that are engaging on many levels and achieve the same goals.

The gardens are accessible to children who use wheelchairs and other adaptive devices.  With flowers, fruits, rocks, dirt and worms, it seems like there is something in the gardens for everyone! 

Although the focus is on the children, the gardens also provide valuable habitat for birds, butterflies and other creatures.  The children learn about being good stewards of the Earth.

Exciting work like this is happening in many places.  Thanks to David Bare and the Winston-Salem Journal for making us aware of what is happening here in the Triad!

Here is a link to Mr. Bare's column.

Review of Silent to the Bone, by E.L. Konigsburg

I enjoy reading, and among the things I like reading most is fiction for tweens and 

teens.  E.L. Konigsburg is one of our finest writers in this genre.  In 1968 she won 

the Newbery Medal for From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler.  Almost 

30 years later she won the award again, for The View from Saturday.  I recently 

read another of Ms. Konigsburg’s novels, Silent to the Bone.  I recommend it 

wholeheartedly for readers ages 12 and older. 

As in her Newbery winners, Konigsburg’s main characters are bright

 young teens who set out to solve a mystery.  But there’s a catch:   

one of the boys, who was integrally involved in the mystery, is unable

 to speak about it.  Since his baby sister was injured, Branwell has 

been completely uncommunicative.  It is up to his best friend, Connor, to try to help 

Branwell find his voice – and find a way to avoid serious legal charges. 

Relationships are at the center of this story.  There is Branwell’s love for his 

father, which is unquestioned until Branwell comes home from a summer visit to 

his grandparents to find that his father has fallen in love (Branwell’s mother died 

when he was an infant).  Connor’s relationship with his much older half-sister is 

sometimes complicated by the fact that she seems intent on not cutting their father 

any slack.  Branwell finds himself having confusing, lustful feelings for Vivian, the 

20-year-old British au pair;  these feelings threaten to change everything – including 

the lifelong bond between Branwell and Connor. 

Konigsburg addresses some difficult issues here, including blended family 

relationships, the burgeoning sexual urges of teenage boys, and the persistence 

of hurt feelings over years or decades.  She deals with these topics 

sensitively, without become pedantic or overly analytical.  Like the characters 

in the story, the reader is allowed to work through his or her own feelings 

while trying to put together the pieces of this puzzle.  

Many of the children and adolescents I see struggle with the impact of 

parental separation, divorce, and adjusting to new family members.  These kids 

often have trouble talking about these matters: they hit too close to home.  I 

am in favor of any book that shows how young characters – and their parents -   

can work through such problems and grow from the experience.  Silent to the Bone 

does that marvelously. 

THERAPEUTIC LIVING

Nothing would make me happier than to run out of psychotherapy patients.  Don’t get me wrong.  I enjoy doing therapy; that’s why I got into this field.  But I’d be happy if all my potential clients figured it all out so that they didn’t need my services.  I would have to make some changes to my practice (or get a second job selling mandolin picks, perhaps, and here and there a harmonica), but it would be worth it.

As it is, I’m afraid there is no immediate danger of me running out of therapy business.  There are, however, things people can be doing to improve their mental health before they set foot in my office.  I typically ask questions about lifestyle factors that can make a big difference in our quality of life.  These include exercise, diet, time spent in nature, relationships, recreation, relaxation and spirituality.   

Research supports the idea that these things can help us to be healthy and feel well.  Some of them are no surprise.  Pick up any magazine off the newsstand and you are likely to find an article on the benefits of eating well and exercising.  Some of them are a little unexpected.  Who knew, for example, that people who go to church weekly tend to live about seven years longer than people who don’t?  Or that being in nature can enhance our performance on cognitive tasks?

The unfortunate thing is that most therapists don’t ask their clients about such things.  I am always encouraged when the people I see have incorporated some of these factors into their daily lives.  It lets me know that they have resources to help them deal with the struggles that brought them to me in the first place.  I emphasize this in our first session, so they realize that they are already doing some things that will help them get where they want to be.

How about you?  How many of these factors are a regular part of your lifestyle?  What benefits do you enjoy?  What are the obstacles to incorporating more of them into your life?  Share with us.

Welcome to Summer!

Children around the country are rejoicing the end of school and the beginning of their summer vacation.  When I was young, it meant little treats like being allowed out after supper (not ok during the school year), playing baseball all day long, or bigger treats like trips to the Bronx Zoo or Palisades Amusement Park.  The beginning of summer was a big deal!

Many children and adults see summer as a time for kids to break free from the structure of the school year; to a certain extent that’s fine.  No school means fewer demands means more time for fun.  I’m all for that.  But too much of a good thing can be, well, too much.  Perhaps there is still a place for limits when school’s out.

I know that some parents allow their children to sleep as late as they want during the summer.  I see a few problems with this practice.  We know that we sleep better when our sleep and wake times are regular.  Waking up much later than we do the rest of the year tampers with that balance.  Also, waking later means staying up later; in some cases parents go to bed long before their children do.  What are the children doing during that time?  With no adult supervision, it could be almost anything.  And at the end of the summer there is the struggle to get them back on schedule.  I was allowed to stay up 30 minutes later during the summer than during the school year.  The extra half-hour felt like a treat.

For some kids, summer means unlimited time to play their favorite video games or catch up on TV reruns.  The experts tell us we should limit children’s screen time, for a variety of reasons: overexposure to commercials for unhealthy foods, the lack of exercise and fresh air, and social isolation are a few.  Although it may seem cruel not to let them do what they want with their newfound leisure time, they’ll be better off with a time limit.  Two to three hours of screen time per day during the summer is probably enough.

Parents, make time to be with your kids.  This does not have to be the expensive trip to Disneyland that breaks the family bank.  There are many things you can do with your children at or close to home.  Trips to the local pool, fishing, riding bikes, playing board games – all of these and many other activities are easily accessible, inexpensive, and FUN!!  Bigger family trips can also be enjoyable, but don’t underestimate the value of the little things you can do every day.  Your children will remember them fondly when they are older.

So, this is my plug for not letting your children go hog-wild during the dog days.  With a little thought and some well-placed limits, summer can be fun for the whole family.  Enjoy!